Creeper on our doorstep

My roommate and best friend, Carolyn burst into my bedroom at 7 a.m. this morning. I'd gone to bed a mere four hours earlier, so I was extremely tired and confused.

A half hour earlier, a drunk 300 pound Samoan guy tried entering our apartment. He repeatedly inserted his key card into our door. When that didn't work, he began pounding on the window and door. Carolyn's dog, Ollie went nuts and started growling.

Carolyn opened the front door.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"I live here," he said. "I'm in unit 'C.'"

That's impossible because I occupy room "C"!

"No you don't," Carolyn said, repulsed by the alcoholic scent all over this man's apparel. He reeked of whiskey and Jack Daniels, she guessed.

"Yes, I do," the guy went on, sticking his hand and foot in the doorway.

Carolyn has the biggest heart of any of my friends, but if you anger her, she can be your worst nightmare. Thankfully, we've never gotten into any fights, believe it or not.

Anyway, Carolyn, in her assertive tone, said to the guy, "Get the f*** off my porch. I swear to God, I'll break your hand if you step any further!"

The guy backed off and she slammed the door in his face.

It was then that she woke me up, and I went into our living room.

The Samoan guy waited by our front door for another half hour. He eventually left, and Carolyn needed to take her dog to the bathroom. After that episode, I wasn't about to send Carolyn outside by herself, so the two of us took the dog to the bathroom together. The man was gone.

So, men, if you're going to get drunk enough that you sleep walk, do all you can to avoid involving women in your confusion. They will take it the wrong way or feel threatened. Getting sh** faced is no excuse to stalk a girls only apartment for 45 minutes straight.

This story is hilarious to me, by the way. Seriously, the weirdest things happen to me!